How Do I Talk To My Boyfriend About The Pain I Experience After Sex?

Question: Me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost a year. And we are sexual active he is also my first. But we only have sex once or twice every two months. My only problem is it hurts afterwards. My vagina swells up and it hurts when I walk( which I think is a result form swelling). From researching my problem I think he may be doing it to hard/fast giving me little cuts and tears that could be swelling up. I really want to talk to him about it, so I don't have to have this pain afterwards but I don't know how :( I'm some what shy considering this is my very first sexually active relationship. I do enjoy having sex with him and i have no pain during sex.but afterwards the pain is awful. I have been relieving my self by icing my vagina over night which usually helps. So my question is: How do I talk to my boyfriend about sex so i don't have to experience pain afterwards.


Answer: 

Being able to talk about issues related to sex is a very important part of being in a sexual relationship with somewhat else. These discussions might include talks about sexual health history and preventing unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs. If an STD is transmitted or an unplanned pregnancy occurs, discussions will be needed to address these issues. And talks about the sex itself – what a person is ready for, what feels good, what doesn’t feel good – are certainly important to have as well.

If a person feels too uncomfortable to have these kinds of discussions with their partner, then it might be an indication that person is just not ready to be sexually active. That said, if you feel truly not ready to have these kinds of talks with your boyfriend, you may want to consider that you are not ready to be sexually involved with him (or anyone else for that matter) and wait on sex until these conversations feel a bit more comfortable to you. If you do feel ready to talk to him about this issue and simply need some guidance, consider the following:

Tell your boyfriend that the two of you need to find some time where you can talk privately and without interruption. Let him know that you do enjoy the “during” part of sex, but that afterwards you experience a lot of pain to the point where you are actually icing yourself overnight to relieve the discomfort. 

 Tell him that you would like him to try and be gentler during intercourse the next time you have sex to see if that helps, and talk with him about your seeing a doctor about this as well. The fact is that if your boyfriend cares about you and respects you, he will want to know about this because he wouldn’t want you to be in any kind of ongoing pain – and he will want to do whatever he can to ensure that you are not in pain or discomfort around sex.

If you haven’t met with a gynecologist or adolescent medicine specialist, Healthfits does recommend that you do so for the following reasons:

·         You can speak to your doctor about the pain you are experiencing to get an idea about whether this is simply a result of the sex being too fast or too rough, or whether there is any underlying medical issue which needs to be addressed.

·         Once you become sexually active, it is a good idea to have regular gynecological exams.   

·         If you have not already, you can get educated about protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs, and check in with your doctor that you are using the best and most appropriate methods of birth control to protect yourself from these things.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers. 

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